Sarcastic Bastard

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

anyone else notice that when a commercial says "2 out of 3 dentists recommend..." that's only 66% of dentists...doesn't seem like a great endorsement to me.

that's it for now.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

it's been about 2 weeks since my last post. i haven't forgotten about posting, but just haven't been in a posting mood for a while.

the usual things in the world these days: dealing with stupid people, reading about the atrocities committed by greedy people, et cetera et cetera...

the latest in my sights is professional sports. 3 of the 4 major north american sports leagues are complete mockeries...the only one left with integrity is the NFL. MLB spending is out of control; it seems like 2 or 3 teams spend more money than all the other teams put together (i don't know exact figures, but you get the idea). the NBA full of a bunch of whining pussies who cry foul (literally) when they don't get what they want. case in point: alonzo mourning, traded to toronto for vince carter. he never showed up to play a single game for the raptors, but collected hefty paycheques, and was ultimately bought out of his contract by the raptors, to sign a day later with another team! that's like me not going to work, then quitting and demanding severance pay and going on EI! should be illegal!

and then of course, the NHL...now, i must give that league a bit of credit for continuing to try to salvage a season, despite that wishes of most fans to let it die already and spare us the never-ending bullshit coming from both sides. BUT the thing is, the players have said some things that make me want to avoid professional hockey until everyone who was around for this lockout has retired and left the game to new people (who will invariably do the same greedy things, unfortunately). the players have come across as so arrogant and ignorant...even godlike in their beliefs; not realizing that, without hockey, they'd be relegated to delivering pizzas or cleaning pools.

now, the reason i mention pools is not to insult pool cleaners, because the truth is there's nothing wrong with that job. in the minors, players get paid much much less than the "pros" - one of the top players in the league makes $700/week, and in order to maintain his career as a hockey player, he must work for his family's pool business in the summertime. (at $700/week for the duration of the hockey season, that only amounts to about $20k USD!) i'll be damned if i don't have respect for a guy like that. and here this poor guy is at risk of losing his job to these asshats, who, while insisting that they would never accept a salary cap, are signing in the minor leagues (and acting all high and mighty about it) which DO have salary caps.

so do i feel at all sympathetic for a bunch of millionaires who want to be even richer than they are for playing hockey, when the rest of the world works hard every day fighting crime, curing diseases, building homes, etc? fuck no...i have to PAY to play hockey, and i do it because i love the game.

sorry if i got off on a bit of a tangent...hopefully my next post will be more coherent than this one.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

i had a number of ideas for topics today, including: "the pope: why won't he die?" and "sarchasm: the ironing is lost on some people"...but the fact is, i'm too tired to write long diatribes about either of those right now.

what i would like to talk about is what i've just named "reverse road rage". as we all know, standard road rage occurs when, for example, a person is cut off in traffic and gets angry and retaliates. there are a number of levels of retaliation, ranging from honking the horn and flashing your brights (which is what i do), to getting out of your car at the next light and yelling at the person (which is what scary dave does), all the way up to taking some sort of crude weapon and beating the driver and/or his/her car into a pulp.

but here's the funny thing...often (and this happened to me on my drive home from work tonight), the driver who did the infraction gets mad at the victim for merely pointing out their displeasure with them. here's how it happened: a jerkass in a chevy blazer cut me off. i honked my horn; simply my way of saying "kind sir, it was most impolite of you to change into my lane without signalling, causing me to hit the deceleratrix with more force than necessary" (a long sentence requires holding the horn for quite a while). i then flicked on my high beams; again, my way of saying "perhaps you were unable to see me properly earlier, so i'd like to assist your sight impairedness". anyway, to make a long story slightly less long, after i finally passed the guy (i don't appreciate being behind someone who is likely to cut me off again at some point), HE gave ME the finger!

i can only assume that was his way of acknowledging that he's a complete fuckwad.

Monday, January 31, 2005

yesterday i mentioned our poker night this past weekend. well, i took it a step further last night by buying a big table surface for our future games. it seats up to 8 people, with places for chips and drinks, and should make the games that much more fun, because it'll have more of that casino feel to it. maybe one day we'll even try playing for real money!

that's it for now...been quiet so far today.

Sunday, January 30, 2005

it's friday night...it's saturday night...it's two posts in one!

so here's a recap of friday:
i found out that we were having dinner at my parent's house, so instead of heading home on the GO train, i took the subway up, then the bus over to their house. a couple things happened that i want to write about. first off, on the subway...i was sitting, reading, minding my own business, when an orthodox jew approached and asked if i was jewish. now, let this be a lesson to anyone reading: even if you are jewish, like me, the correct answer to this quesion is NO! because if an orthodox jew is asking you that, they are like the hare krishnas of judaism. the guy actually asked if i wanted to put on tefillin - something i would have expected somewhere else, but not on the subway...fortunately, i got rid of him fairly quickly and got back to reading ("Something Rotten" by Jasper Fforde, by the way).

i guess it was about 20 minutes later when i was getting on the crowded bus. now, being an experienced bus rider, i'm familiar with certain standards of etiquette for riding the bus. these were tossed out the window with this bunch. people weren't moving to the middle of the bus, leaving a crowd of people packed by the door like sardines. but the real jackass on the bus was the guy who made a point to get a seat right in the middle of the bus...and proceeded to get off at the FIRST STOP! hey fucknut, if you're getting off at the first stop, get on the bus LAST, let someone else have the seat and stay near the door so that you don't have to plow through everyone!

so that was friday...saturday is a shorter story. we went out for shane's birthday...beer bistro downtown. good beer, a few laughs. then we went up to dave and christina's place and played poker. good times...we'll definitely have to do that again.

now i'm getting yelled at for being lazy...and for once, i don't think i was being lazy.

Friday, January 28, 2005

oh the humanity!

last night, my new ultimate team was defeated...no, defeated is too light a word...we were demolished, humiliated, raped up the ass and then mocked...

22-4 was the final score. the thing is, i'm not upset that we lost. after all, it's still only our second game together, and several of our players have never played the game before. it's cool...i'm happy to be playing with really nice, friendly people. and as Homer said in The Iliad, "it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get." (or was that homer simpson?)

no, what really bothers me is that the other team looked to be too powerful for our division - in fact, looking at the team's profile, i see that their captain also plays in a competitive division! they've apparently been together for 3 years, and they call plays, and are organized. long story short: they're good. doesn't really seem fair to group them with newbies.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

ok...now i'm pissed off. i worked hard on a good post and then thanks to some dumb server error, it's lost forever. so here's a recap of events since last night:

surprise party...guests caught in snow...winter sex instead...lots of chocolate...soccer game...guy falls out of pickup truck....hahaha...dumbass.