Sarcastic Bastard

what to say? it's all a facade. sure, i may come across as a sarcastic bastard, as my friends say, but who am i really? i'm cynical, yes, but then i'm surprised when my cynicism reveals the truth. skeptical, but still disappointed when something doesn't turn out.

i guess it's true that one must be ruthless to succeed. the old cliché says that "nice guys finish last" and that is the reality we're living in these days. i'm going somewhere with this. for 5 years, i have been working for the same company on a freelance basis. i started out, as expected, in an entry level position, with the hopes of moving up in the company. sure, i hadn't even started university yet, but i was determined to win over bosses, co-workers and clients with my hard work, positive attitude and loyalty. over the years, i have occasionally been rewarded with extra work - basketball games, football games, and most recently, a big golf tournament. of course, when i started back in 1997, i knew i'd be fairly low on the list: i was 18 years old and competing for work with people who'd been in the industry many more years than me, plus i was in school anyway, so my availability was not very good. here i am now, nearing the end of 2002, with a degree to my name, and i don't seem to have moved up on the list. people coming in as recently as 2 months ago are getting more work than me, and it's pissing me off.

i mentioned recently about the nepotism and favouritism that permeates the air in broadcasting. it's disgusting, and makes me have second thoughts about my industry of choice. but no. why should i let some fucking punk destroy my dream? it's not my fault things are the way they are! it makes me angrier than just about anything possibly can (yes, even angrier than my rants about drivers, and stupid people. those are just annoyances out there. this is my LIFE!) sometimes i wish i could just leave...go someplace far away and start a new life. i have a lot to offer. i'm intelligent, competent, and a good worker. but what can i do? i certainly can't complain...that'd pretty much black ball me for life. not gonna go postal on someone, that'd put me behind bars for life. all i want to do is work. i don't care about money, i just want a job i'll enjoy and excel at. is it too much to ask?

posted by leor @ 12:39